Sometimes we feel stuck. In the same old routine. Facing the same old problems. Fed up but unsure what to do to change. If we keep doing the same thing, we will get the same result. Sometimes we face what seems like an insurmountable problem. And feel frozen into inaction. So we become stuck. Stuckness makes us feel low. Trapped. It can make us feel worthless and miserable. It depletes energy and quashes motivation. So what do you do it you’re feeling stuck? What do I do if I’m feeling stuck?
Consider the value of your “stuckness”
Being stuck isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s helpful to be stuck. Paradoxically, it’s a signal that something needs to change.
Feeling stuck gives us time to consider what is happening and what we want. Time to think about the options and choices that might be possible. And to weigh up the challenges ahead that we might face. And what we might do to change and succeed.
It can feel uncomfortable or even horrid to be stuck. We might feel trapped, limited, alone or without hope of a different future.
So look at this feeling of being stuck in a new way. It’s a part of you shouting for attention. For change. Listen.
Why might you be feeling stuck?
Sometimes it helps to consider what feelings are causing us to feel stuck.
Sometimes, others are holding us back.
Sometimes our environment holds us back. Maybe our current living conditions. Or our work. Or our loved ones, family and friends. Or our current resources – both physical and emotional.
Often, although we don’t like to admit it, we hold ourselves back. And we might not even know it.
Feeling stuck might be a fear of failure
Human beings don’t like uncertainty. And we don’t like change and risk much either.
Maybe we are stuck because we fear failure.
In Confidence to overcome a fear of failure – Kim Tasso I explore why a fear of failure might be holding us back. In a variety of situations. And how that fear of failure might be keeping us stuck.
We can develop our resilience (Building Resilience – Regulation, Reframing, Relationships). To know that whatever we do, we will survive. And to not think about the downsides of failure, but the upsides of having a go. To see new challenges as a learning opportunity.
This well-known book explores why it is important to face our fears and give things a go Book review – Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers
Feeling stuck is a natural part of change
One of my favourite books is Your personal transition – Endings, neutral zone and new beginnings
The psychologist author says that change takes time – and you must go through stages before achieving successful change. You have to disconnect with and “mourn” the past. Then you get to spend sometime in a kind of “no man’s land” before you can make a new beginning.
Maybe your stuckness – where you feel disconnected (between the process of disintegration of the past and reintegration of the future) – is this important middle stage of your transition.
It is in this phase where you need some time out alone. And it may feel lonely and frightening. And disorientating. Change is hard. So take a breath.
Feeling stuck might be your inner critic in overdrive
You might feel stuck if those around you have very high expectations. Or place too many demands on you. Or it could be that you demand too much of yourself.
Sometimes, our minds get full of “should” messages. For example: You should be working harder, you should be studying, you should spend less time doom-scrolling, you should lose weight, you should exercise regularly, you should be able to make progress in your job, you should be able to enjoy your weekends, you should be grateful for what you have…
So many “shoulds”!
You have absorbed these messages from those around you – when you were growing up. And from your culture, family and peers. It’s your inner critic in overdrive – bossing you around.
So stop for a moment. And think.
Consider what a good person you are. Focus on all your attributes, strengths and skills. Think about your energy. How friends and family value you. All the things you have achieved in your life. All the obstacles you have overcome. Your journey to this point in your life. What you have done for yourself. And what you have done for others.
Think what about the potential you have – to be and to do. Recognise that you have many choices.
So don’t allow yourself to feel beaten up and immobilized (stuck) by your inner critics.
Feeling stuck might be an unconscious message that something isn’t right
We are all so busy these days. We struggle to do our jobs, earn enough money, keep the house tidy, study to improve ourselves, look after our families, put nutritious food on the table, get to the gym, plan our holidays…phew. It’s exhausting.
So maybe that feeling of stuckness is a message. That something isn’t quite right. That you are not tackling something important. Like what you want, your health, your purpose…
We all tend to push away uncomfortable feelings. It’s hard to face your own deep sadness or disappointment or anger or fear. But if we push away our emotions they don’t go away. They sit there – festering and growing. And ultimately they demand your attention. Sometimes by making you physically ill. Sometimes making you feel anxious. Sometimes making you feel stuck.
Maybe you are not in the right relationship. Or the right job. Maybe you aren’t feeling appreciated. Maybe you need something else.
Sometimes, those feelings of being stuck are overwhelming. They keep swimming around your brain. Eclipsing everything else.
Feeling stuck might be a sign that your goals and purpose are unclear
Maybe you are feeling stuck because you are unclear about what you want (your goals) or your purpose. You think “What’s the point?”.
Working so hard every day without moving towards something positive can be demoralising.
It can be hard to work out what it is you want – what will motivate you to break out of your stuckness.
Sometimes it helps to gain a glimpse of what you want – to consider the possibilities. No matter how far-fetched. Some people find value in creating a vision board – collect images that inspire and move you. Things that you want in your life. Things that are important to you. You might experiment with digital tools like Pinterest – to create collections of things that inspire you or ideas that you value.
If crafting a future vision or life purpose feels too much, maybe you can be more focused on the present – what you are feeling right now Book Review: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Feeling stuck can be a sign of stress
When we are threatened – in reality or just in our minds – our brains trigger a stress response. That’s when our bodies take over and prepare us to fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
That freeze response might be what is causing your feelings of being stuck. Maybe not so much a rabbit in the headlights – maybe more of a hamster on a wheel. Prolonged stress can become chronic stress. And lead to burnout.
Functional freeze is a defensive survival response to prolonged stress, trauma or overwhelm.
A person might appear to others to be capable and productive. But inside that person might feel numb, disconnected, exhausted or stuck. Is that you?
Feeling stuck can be an indicator of trauma
Feeling “stuck” can be a sign of unresolved trauma.
It’s often related to a freeze response where the body and mind become immobilized by overwhelming events.
This can appear as a lack of motivation, difficulty moving forward in life, emotional numbing or a persistent feeling that your past trauma defines you. You may not even recall that trauma – either it was too long ago or your mind has suppressed the memories to protect you.
But some people get “stuck” in the past. Locked into a past trauma. Unable to determine the difference between what happened in the past and what is happening now. PTSD and cPTSD can make us feel stuck.
Feeling stuck can be a sign of low mood and depression
Sometimes feeling stuck can be a sign of low mood or even depression.
If our mind is dominated by negative perceptions and thoughts – the whole world can seem negative. And scary. We might start to feel that nothing we do will change things. If we truly believe that nothing will help, then we are unlikely to try anything. We can become stuck.
Ways to overcome feeling stuck
Accept that it’s OK to feel stuck
We are not machines – able to go on producing the same or more every day. Without ever stopping.
We need time to rest. And to relax. And to take some time for ourselves.
Sometimes, that feeling of stuckness is there to prompt us to focus on ourselves. In the present moment. To reconnect with ourselves: our bodies, our needs and our dreams.
It’s OK to feel stuck sometimes. It’s allowed! Stop pressurising yourself and let things be…
Sometimes, when you stop trying so hard – new insights and ideas emerge. And you start to feel less stuck.
Focus on what you are feeling
Take some time to focus on what you are feeling (not thinking).
Ask yourself:
- “What is it that I’m really feeling right now?”
- What are you feeling in your body? Where are you feeling it?
- Can you name the emotion or feeling?
- What prompted this feeling?
- “If I could have anything right now, what would it be?”
- Try to connect with what you want and need right now. Even if it’s something small, like a walk or a hug or a chat with a friend
- Concentrate on the moment and “listen” to your body and your inner voices
- Avoid magical thinking and flights of fantasy (we would all love to win the lottery!) and focus on a small thing that might help
- “What are the next steps that I can actually DO?”
- Consider a small thing that you might do to feel better
Do something different to feel less stuck
If you feel stuck, try doing something different. Take your mind off that feeling of stuckness for a moment.
It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just a few minutes to focus your mind on something else.
Absorb yourself in a small task. Tidy a room. Do the dishes. Walk the dog. Sort out the shoe pile. Put a load in the washing machine. Make a cup of tea. Take a nap.
A few moments may be all you need to feel refreshed. It might feel better knowing that you’ve achieved something. Even a really little thing. It allows your mind to be clear and uncluttered for a moment.
You can build on that moment. One small step towards not feeling stuck. You now know you can take another small step.
Take care of yourself to feel less stuck
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. Take 10 minutes to do something that you enjoy.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You need time to refresh and renew.
Find joy in a simple thing that you like – take a bath, take a walk, make a warm (or cold) drink, potter round the garden, read a few pages of a book, stroke the dog (or cat), light a candle, prepare something nice to eat, say Hi to a neighbour, phone a friend.
A simple act of self-care can help you regain balance and perspective. To feel less stuck.
The NHS suggests five steps to mental well-being:
- Connect with others
- Be physically active
- Learn new skills
- Give to others
- Take notice (practice Mindfulness – NHS)
Take physical exercise to feel less stuck
You are not a machine. You are a living, breathing person. You need food and drink and sleep and exercise. Walking will help you burn off those stress hormones. It might help clear your mind.
A walk has the added benefit of taking you into a different environment. Outside. With space.
It will remind you that you have the ability to move. You will no longer be stuck at that desk or on the sofa. You will be striding down the road, breathing in the air, looking around you, at one with the world.
Seek connection with others to feel less stuck
Feeling stuck can make you feel isolated and lonely. Like you are the only person who feels that way. It might make you feel vulnerable, incapable or weak.
Who said you had to try to fix everything on your own? Remember the saying “A problem shared, is a problem halved?” You don’t have to grapple with being stuck on your own…
As humans we are wired for human connection. Ideally, in person – not through a screen.
Connect to those around you – family, friends, colleagues, neighbours – feel their support and tap into their strength. And you never know, just talking about what you are feeling might start you on your journey to feeling less stuck.
I liked the ideas in the book Lost connections – Why you’re depressed by Johann Hari. The author suggests that often our low feelings are due to a lack of connection. And he outlines these possible areas – notice how disconnection from other people is high on that list:
- Disconnection from meaningful work
- Disconnection from other people
- Disconnection from meaningful values
- Disconnection from childhood trauma
- Disconnection from status and respect
- Disconnection from the natural world (hence the increase in social prescribing)
- Disconnection from a hopeful or secure future
- Brain changes
- Genetics (potentials activated by the environment)
Make a plan to feel less stuck
Feeling stuck can feel overwhelming. So break things down. Don’t try to eat the elephant. Identify a small task that will help you take that first step to being less stuck.
What might you achieve in 10 minutes? In an hour? In a morning? In a week?
Even if you don’t have a plan to solve your entire problem – you are starting a plan to make a start. Action is better than inaction.
The 1,000 mile journey starts with a single step. Even if you don’t know the entire route map, at least you have started moving…
Write a journal to feel less stuck
Sometimes it helps to write things down. To make a note of what you are feeling.
It doesn’t have to be a long or beautifully-written journal. Just a note of how you are feeling at any moment in time.
Write about the emotions you feel – and whether anything triggered that feeling. Allow more positive feelings to peep through.
It’s a conversation with yourself. Or between different parts of yourself.
Sometimes articulating your thoughts helps. Sometimes just listening to your inner voices helps you feel less alone. And less stuck.
Reach out to a therapist to feel less stuck
Feeling stuck and overwhelmed is a common reason to reach out to a therapist. Several of my clients first came to therapy because they felt stuck.
Please explore the resources on my therapy web site Tasso Talking Therapy which offers other ideas to feel less stuck.
And contact me for a confidential chat – without cost or obligation. If I’m not the right therapist for you, I’m sure to be able to help you find one that is.
Related articles on feeling stuck, therapy and self-help
My therapy web site is: Tasso Talking Therapy (Please don’t hesitate to telephone or email for an informal and confidential chat about your mental health)
Assertiveness toolbox – Kim Tasso May 2025
What happens in therapy? – Kim Tasso April 2025
Confidence to overcome a fear of failure – Kim Tasso September 2024
my relationships like rollercoaster rides? Volatile relationships (kimtasso.com) August 2024
How do you choose a therapist? – Kim Tasso July 2024
Emotional Regulation – A key element of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) (kimtasso.com) August 2021
Psychology and business communication (kimtasso.com) January 2015 An introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA) and the Parent Adult Child model
10 tips to increase your resilience – Kim Tasso March 2013
Therapy self-help book reviews
Attached by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Explores attachment theory and describes different types of attachment – secure, anxious and avoidant. August 2025
Book review – Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers June 2024. Classic self-help book on managing anxiety
Book review – Counselling for toads May 2025. The modern classic explaining Transactional Analysis (TA) using a story by Robert de Board using Toad and other characters from “Wind in the Willows”
Book Review: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle March 2025 A best-selling guide to ceasing your incessant thoughts, focusing on the present “here and now”, spiritual enlightenment and finding inner peace.
Overcoming low self-esteem – a self help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques January 2025
Book review: Taking charge of Adult ADHD by Russell A Barkley (kimtasso.com) October 2024
“Adult children of emotionally immature parents – how to heal (kimtasso.com) August 2024 An excellent book that has helped several clients suffering from anxiety, depression and “failed” relationships. How to recognise emotional, driven, passive and rejecting parenting styles and the coping mechanisms adopted (e.g. people pleasing, high independence etc).
Book reviews on stress and trauma – “When the body says No” (kimtasso.com) June 2024 Review of “When the body says no – The cost of hidden stress” by Gabor Mate and “The body keeps the score – mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma” by Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk
Book review: The Thriving Lawyer by Traci Cipriano (resilience) (kimtasso.com) June 2024 A review of a book into the mental health and resilience of lawyers in law firm cultures. The author is a former practising attorney and clinical psychologist.
The Tools – Five life-changing techniques to unlock your potential (kimtasso.com) April 2024 A review of the book by psychiatrist Phil Stutz
Book review – Creating self-esteem by Lynda Field (kimtasso.com) March 2024 A classic book on realizing your true self worth
Book review: How to do the work (recognise your patterns (kimtasso.com) December 2023. Review of a book to support psychoeducation. Topics include: conscious self, theory of trauma, mind-body healing practices, inner child, boundaries, reparenting and emotional maturity.
Dr Julie Smith (Mental Health Guidance) (kimtasso.com) July 2023. Review of the book “Why has nobody told me this before?” that explores helpful ideas on low mood and depression, motivation, anxiety, emotional pain, grief, self-doubt, fear, stress and a meaningful life.
Overcoming clinical depression (2021) by Oliver Kamm (kimtasso.com) March 2023. A review of the book “Mending the Mind” which explores what it is like to suffer from depression and both the medical and psychological sources of help.
Lost connections – Why you’re depressed by Johann Hari (kimtasso.com) October 2019. A review of a popular book about the nine common reasons people suffer from depression.
Crazy busy – Book review – Dealing with stress (kimtasso.com) October 2009. This book examines modern life and offers practical advice to avoid stress and restore calm.
Book review: The psychology of successful women by Shona Rowan (kimtasso.com) June 2022. Topics include: confidence, assertiveness, boundaries, public speaking, impact, influence, visibility and bouncing back from setbacks.
Your personal transition – Endings, neutral zone and new beginnings (kimtasso.com) June 2020. Helps you navigate major changes in your life and prepares you for the emotional roller-coaster of change.
Short videos with a therapy theme for self-help
Soft skills – Boost your self-confidence and confidence (Video) (kimtasso.com) October 2020
Business relationships – Using the drama triangle to resolve conflict (kimtasso.com) September 2020
How the parent, adult, child (PAC) model helps with difficult interactions (kimtasso.com) September 2020
Change process – Emotions when reacting to change (kimtasso.com) April 2020
Building Resilience – Regulation, Reframing, Relationships and Reflection (kimtasso.com) May 2020
