Anxiety and depression are two of the most common reasons people seek therapy. Psychoeducation involves learning about and understanding mental health and wellbeing. I regularly review self-help books relating to counselling and psychotherapy as part of my service to support therapy clients. This book focuses on anxiety (particularly health anxiety). It offers a different perspective towards anxiety. And provides a practical framework (EASE) on how to manage anxiety and improve your mental health. Book review: The gift of anxiety – Harnessing the EASE method to turn stuck anxiety into your greatest ally by Diante Fuchs
The author
The author is a clinical psychologist in New Zealand with a decade’s experience in private practice. She became frustrated with one-to-one in-person therapy and trained as a certified anxiety coach. Clinical Psychologist | Anxiety Coach Helping You Shift Your Anxiety
Overview of “The Gift of Anxiety – Harnessing the EASE method to turn stuck anxiety into your greatest ally” by Diante Fuchs
There are several approaches to dealing with anxiety – common methods include Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, mindfulness, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and medication. This book offers an alternative approach – psychoeducation about anxiety and practical ways to manage the feelings.
This 2024 book – published by TCK Publishing Self-Help and How-To Books – TCK Publishing – is short. And written in an accessible way, with plenty of illustrative stories. It includes exercises (both in the book and online) to help you assimilate the ideas and practice the new attitudes and skills it offers. The author keeps things simple and confirms key points. Parts of the book may seem repetitive to some – although others may find it reassuring if they are learning about anxiety for the first time.
The premise of the book is a reframe – rather than regard anxiety negatively, make it your friend. The author explains that anxiety is a naturally occurring emotion. And that issues occur when people push anxiety away so it becomes a “stuck emotion”.
On the plus side, the book explains what anxiety is and conveys what it feels like to be stuck in the grip of anxiety. And it describes the fear around panic attacks. It aims to empower people, which has to be good. It offers simple, practical steps to shift stubborn anxiety. On the downside, apart from the author’s husband, there is little evidence that the approach works. But it is a relatively new book and maybe more evidence of its usefulness and effectiveness will emerge over time.
In therapy, there is no “one size fits all” to suit all clients. There are many tools that can help with anxiety. This book is another option to try – and it may suit and help some.
Other books on anxiety and stress I have reviewed:
- Dr Julie Smith (Mental Health Guidance) Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith July 2023
- Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) by Richard C. Schwartz. IFS is used by therapists to help clients with low self-esteem, harsh inner critics, Imposter Syndrome, trauma, anxiety, depression and addictions. October 2025
- Book reviews on stress and trauma – “When the body says No” When the body says No – The cost of hidden stress by Gabor Mate. June 2024
See also How to cope with anxiety – a relaxation technique | NHS A 6 minute video to help you relax to manage anxiety
“The gift of anxiety” contents
- What we resist always persists
- When anxiety is the enemy
- When anxiety becomes a friend
- Ordinary anxiety vs stuck anxiety
- The four phases of stuck anxiety
- Defining your response to anxiety
- EASE step one – Empower
- EASE step two – Accept
- Ease step three – Shift
- Ease step four – Engage
- Putting together the four steps
- Listening to what the anxiety is telling you
- Using anxiety for personal growth
- Self-reflection to help you listen to anxiety
- From anxiety about anxiety to trauma resolution
Chapters 1 through 6 develop clarity around the experience of anxiety and how important it is to lean in and validate it.
Chapters 7 through 11 focus on changing your response to anxiety – the four E A S E steps
Chapters 13 through 15 show how to use the gift of anxiety as a powerful inner guidance system for self-development
Key points from “The gift of anxiety – Harnessing the EASE method to turn stuck anxiety into your greatest ally”
Understanding anxiety
The author starts with some statistics about anxiety:
- In 2017, 264 million people were living with anxiety disorders
- A study in The Lancet in 2021 estimated an additional 76.2 million cases of anxiety disorders developed globally since the start of the Covid pandemic
- Depression and anxiety have been ranked in the top 25 leading causes of health problems worldwide
- Anxiety is on the rise because of our perception of it – it is one of the most misunderstood emotions
(There are more statistics in this post: Improve mental health at work, in marketing and for women)
Many people view big, messy feelings as a vulnerability and a weakness. Parenting styles may discourage people from expressing their emotions. But emotions are a normal, healthy part of being human. We tend to push away strong – especially negative – feelings.
The author is reassuring. Explaining that emotions become sorely misunderstood – and many people try to abolish them instead of using them as our inner guides that we rely on for survival.
The author argues that most common conditions we call mental illness could be much better understood as stuck emotions (this is a reframe). By labelling anxiety as a mental illness, people reject their feelings and feel damaged and unstable. She suggests that mental illness is stuck emotional responses and our learned coping mechanisms.
She cites a review of 128 studies which showed that patients labelled with a mental illness by a therapist or psychologist saw themselves more negatively, felt socially isolated and perceived themselves as unwell and less competent.
She urges us to relate to anxiety as a good friend instead of an enemy to get rid of. There are comments about the benefits of anxiety. If you fail to connect with your healthy emotions of anxiety appropriately it grows in intensity and becomes loud and intrusive. Yet she recognises that panic attacks and intense anxiety can be incredibly painful and disruptive.
Anxiety is just the messenger – people need space to truly feel and express themselves. And therapy may assist the healing process.
What we resist always persists
There is a story of being alone (the author and her husband and two kids) during Covid. She reflects that we often tell ourselves that we will ruin a day if we let out our feelings. She sees the value of giving ourselves permission to go into a room and cry alone – to let out the emotions. Validating (to acknowledge and allow something) our emotions is an act of self-compassion.
There’s a helpful reminder of Jeffrey Young’s work – the founder of schema therapy – who suggested there are five core emotional needs:
- To feel as if we belong and feel safe in our relationships
- To have independence and feel free to make our own decisions and take action in our lives
- To be able to freely express how we feel and share our emotions with other people
- To have moments of fun and laughter
- To have some limitation on our own behaviour so we can create a sense of self-discipline
Anxiety often arises when our need for safety is not being met. If it is not heard, your emotional response gets louder. This explains why resistance makes anxiety grow stronger.
Anxiety is a fundamental and ancient alarm system in your brain – and the function of anxiety is to get you to pay attention to a threat (real or imagined) in order to keep you safe. The alarm bells of anxiety might include physical symptoms such as: a racing heart, rapid breathing, pressure in the abdomen and dizziness.
When anxiety is the enemy
The author shares a story of how she was woken by her young, fit husband who was convinced he was dying. He had intense chest pain and couldn’t breathe properly – he was experiencing a panic attack but was convinced he was suffering from a serious disease.
However, he had had a couple of weeks of stress at work which were triggering a core belief about this self-worth (a “failure schema”). It demonstrated that his desperate attempts to remove anxiety just ended up creating even more anxiety.
The author explains how core beliefs trigger anxiety. And refers to the work of Jeffrey Young who identified maladaptive schemas as patterns of thought, memories and feelings that we develop about ourselves during childhood and adolescence. And that people can be totally unaware of these patterns of thinking.
Helpfully, the author lists and explains Young’s 18 schemas (for further information: Schema Therapy :: Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust or Schema therapy – Wikipedia)
- Admiration seeking
- Unrelenting standards
- Insufficient self-control
- Pessimism
- Self-sacrifice
- Social isolation
- Emotional inhibitions
- Mistrust and abuse
- Subjugation (submit to the control of others in order to avoid negative consequences)
- Abandonment
- Vulnerability to harm
- Emotional deprivation (expect that others will never be able to adequately meet their emotional needs)
- Entitlement
- Failure
- Incompetence and dependence
- Enmeshment
- Defectiveness and shame
- Self-punitiveness
When anxiety becomes a friend
The author explores mindfulness-based approaches to managing anxiety. “Everything changes, nothing lasts forever” is the Law of Impermanence – the first dharma seal (or primary principle) in Buddhist philosophy.
She mentions that some proposed treatments for anxiety increased anxiety about anxiety! And that people are often prescribed Prozac for anxiety, although the author is of the view that psychoeducation is better.
She urges people to learn to let go of different types of anxiety – whether social anxiety, generalised anxiety or health anxiety. And notes that knowledge is power – and feeling empowered is important to the therapeutic process.
The first step in befriending anxiety is learning to let go. There are some ways to help you assess how you are holding onto anxiety and questions to help you see what caused your anxiety to become more intense.
Ordinary anxiety vs stuck anxiety
Anxiety is a natural emotional response that sets off your internal alarm bells because there is something you need to pay attention to in order to ensure your survival. Usually, with each action you take as a result of paying attention to your anxiety, the emotion naturally subsides.
Sometimes anxiety can feel very intense – for example, if you are in a situation where you believe you may be laughed at or ridiculed. This is because the primitive part of the brain recognises that being accepted by a group is important for your survival.
Dealing with anxiety is trickier when you are dealing with internal threats – such as core beliefs being triggered by events around you. In stuck anxiety, your anxiety is alerting you to the anxiety.
The four trajectories of stuck anxiety
- Anxiety becomes a habit – You become prone to over thinking and worrying and anxiety sticks around all day and directs itself at whatever you are doing next. Feeling that you are not safe and that things may be beyond your control increases your tendency to worry. Worrying feels like you are doing something about it. So we feel temporary relief. And then we do it again next time discomfort arises. This is called reward-based learning – and is how habits are formed
- Anxiety disrupts functioning – This is where you become anxious about anxiety because it is a threat to your functioning. This is where experience the uncomfortable physical symptoms of anxiety. You then start to then ask “What if?” questions such as what if you get anxious at work and need to go home? There is then a spiral where you are more and more anxious
- The symptoms of anxiety become a threat – Even if a doctor has indicated your physical symptoms are anxiety, you may continue to worry about them and keep checking. The author mentions that is what happened with her husband – he feared the doctor had missed something. Each symptom creates more anxiety – and so the spiral continues.
- Panic attacks – These often happen in isolation – not at the time of any immediate threat. Where people have been bottling up anxieties, they may suddenly erupt as a panic attack. (there is a helpful NHS video on panic attacks: Coping with panic attacks and when to seek help) Then you start to worry about having another panic attack
The author explains that you cannot get rid of anxiety but you can shift it. The first step is to recognise stuck anxiety.
Four phases of stuck anxiety
Not only does anxiety get stuck but it gets worse over time as the vicious cycle of anxiety feeds on itself:.
- Fear and overwhelm – Typically in anxiety, something triggers the discomfort but it quickly subsides. Sometimes the anxiety persists.
- Rejecting anxiety – Most people try to reject anxiety and get back “to their old selves”. There is a perception that anxiety is bad and that you should try to get rid of any anxious responses. People may then remain hypersensitive to even the slightest sign of anxiety and worry about it. They become anxious about their anxiety. You never relax into the moment, always watching over your shoulder for anxiety.
- Hypervigilance – Paradoxically, the more you want to get rid of the anxiety, the more difficult it becomes to take your focus off it because you keep checking on the symptoms of anxiety in an attempt to keep it under control. You get locked into an anxiety loop.
- Avoidance – Avoidance can seem like the only viable way to cope with anxiety (avoidance coping). But it only provides temporary relief. Each time you avoid something, you confirm to your brain that the task is a frightening and threatening thing. The avoidance leaves you feeling even more overwhelmed and defeated.
Defining your response to anxiety
The author identifies four specific response types that people have with anxiety. Three responses generate more anxiety and one allows anxiety to calm down.
Anxious fixation – You may feel your anxiety has taken control and is running the show. This happens with those experiencing health anxiety. You may be afraid of or angry and frustrated by anxiety. People are often in the Fear/Overwhelm or Hypervigilance stages of stuck anxiety. It may result in a panic attack, which may lead to further anxiety.
Nervous control – This is often the response to generalized anxiety. In most cases, anxiety has popped up after a major transition or life adjustment and simply not subsided. They get caught in the Rejection phase of stuck anxiety. They might adopt a number of healthy behaviours but the more things you try that don’t work, the more nervous energy you pump into trying to find the intervention that will “make everything right”. Sometimes, the solution is to simply allow anxiety to be without trying to control or reduce it in anyway.
Shameful submission – Sometimes this happens with people who have experienced significant life challenges including abuse, bullying, trauma, feeling like they don’t belong in their family or social peer groups or struggling to thrive at school or work. It tends to occur when your inner critic is strong and your self-confidence is low. It may lead to depression. People may believe they are a burden to others and may try to isolate from social activities. These people are often in the Avoidance phase of stuck anxiety.
Empowered acceptance – These people understand anxiety, how it functions and why it is necessary. People feel confident in managing episodes of anxiety. You accept your feelings as real, valid and sometimes messy. It means feeling strong enough to know that messy does not mean damaged. You trust yourself and validate what you are feeling. You know how to talk to yourself kindly and with emotional validation so you can think, plan and act clearly even when big emotions come up for you.
There’s also a quiz to assess your Anxiety Response Type.
E.A.S.E step one – Empower
“The best antidote to fear is knowledge” Robin Sharma
The author asks “Would you fear something that is designed to keep you safe?”
This first step has two parts: understand anxiety and how it functions. Then understand why anxiety has come up and become stuck for you in this moment.
There is a short explanation of the neuroscience of anxiety. Anxiety is a natural response originating in the ancient limbic system of the brain. Here is the watchdog amygdala that is always scanning the environment to check for threats and alert you to them. This watchdog can be more or less sensitive. So think of your anxiety as the barking of your watchdog.
Then there is the hippocampus that acts as an investigator. It assesses the situation and measures it against available evidence to decide if it is truly a threat to your survival. This kicks off the fight or flight response. Adrenaline, the hormone released with your fight or flight response, is there to help you survive. It increases your heart rate to pump more blood to your muscles. Your breathing increases to get more oxygen to your muscles and brain. Your metabolism shuts down to preserve energy for the upcoming battle and glucose is released into your bloodstream to provide more energy. Your intercostal muscles (tiny muscles around your rib cage) contract which can cause a sensation of tightness around your chest. These responses are designed to make your faster and stronger – either to run away or fight the threat. This is part of your anxiety response and will naturally create feelings of discomfort in your body.
Your anxiety may be triggered by a memory – for example, worries about a presentation at work may remind you of when we were laughed at as a child. When we risk being ostracised from a group – the brain perceives it as a threat to our survival.
Continuing to explore the symptoms of anxiety, the author notes some people experience a blocked ear or depersonalisation and/or derealization (commonly referred to as DPDR) – when it feels as if their thoughts and feelings do not belong to them.
The next task is to understand what triggers anxiety. This may require an exploration of the biological, environmental and risk factors at work. The author uses a metaphor of a seed growing in soil in a garden to explain this. Some of the factors are explored – physical illnesses, childhood experiences, learning difficulties, financial stress, toxic relationships and trauma.
E.A.S.E step two – Accept
“The first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance” Nathaniel Branden
First you accept the anxiety with no more resistance. Second, you address the anxiety directly to validate it and calm it down by meeting your need for safety.
There’s a suggestion to visualise anxiety as a small, scared child tugging at your sleeve for attention. You are encouraged to be self-compassionate by acknowledging, reassuring and thanking your anxiety for keeping you safe.
You lean into your anxiety by being prepared to look at your anxiety with curiosity and invite it to be there with you. It helps to breathe more and visualise creating a space within yourself for the anxiety to exist within you. Then ask yourself what else you feel with anxiety – where in your body you experience it and notice the sensations. And tell yourself “Anxiety is just an emotional response. It cannot harm me. I am feeling uncomfortable but I am safe and everything is going to be ok”.
Mindfulness allows you to observe the feelings of anxiety without judgement. This prevents spiralling into catastrophic scenarios. The deep-seated and often subconscious belief that you cannot cope is what separates you from people who do not struggle with stuck anxiety. Asking “what if?” questions can fuel anxiety.
So you need to build a new belief that you CAN cope with anxiety and any imagined unwanted scenario. Many people find that by simply acknowledging their anxiety and offering it reassurance and a sense of safety, it subsides.
The author considers health anxiety and the fear of death. She notes that our brains want to avoid death and dying as much as possible. But our brains can get it wrong and ring the alarm bells when we are OK. Most people fear that letting anxiety be means it will get out of control. It is your underlying beliefs about anxiety that drives your anxiety about anxiety. There are four blocking beliefs that stop people from accepting their anxiety:
- That anxiety or panic attacks can harm or kill you (they can’t)
- Anxiety can make you lose control or go crazy (it can’t)
- Anxiety or panic attacks can disable you so that you can’t talk, think or function (as anxiety creates increased blood pressure this means that you are unlikely to faint)
- Anxiety is shameful and embarrassing (so many people experience anxiety that you are not alone or abnormal experiencing it)
E.A.S.E step three – Shift
This involves shifting your focus away from anxiety and back to the present moment or towards your values, goals and desires to generate positive emotions and experiences.
It suggests that instead of saying “Stop focusing on anxiety” you tell yourself “Pay more attention to…”. And reassure yourself that “Right here, right now, I am safe”. Or use a mindfulness technique such as 5, 4, 3, 2, 1:
- Five things you can see
- Four things you can touch
- Three things you can hear
- Two things you can small
- One thing you can taste
This shifts your focus away from problematic thoughts and checking, grounds you in the present moment and activates the prefrontal cortex so that you think more rationally and objectively.
The author also suggests you reinvest your time and energy into a new or old hobby. This leaves less time available to fixate on the anxiety. And to become aware of your core beliefs and opinions – which are not truths. There are some CBT exercises to help you challenge anxious thoughts as they arise.
Thoughts are classified as intrusive when they are intense, unwanted and seem to come out of nowhere. If you are already feeling anxious and in a state of fight or flight, your emotional brain and amygdala is on the lookout for threats. But thoughts can only turn into behaviours if we put intentions behind them. So the best thing to do with an intrusive thought is to notice it and let it go.
Sometimes anxiety is triggered as a result of our lives feeling misaligned with our values. Although sometimes we hold onto outdated values that no longer align with our own internal values. There are exercise sheets to explore your values.
E.A.S.E step four – Engage
The fourth phase of stuck anxiety is avoidance. This is why most therapists and anxiety programmes encourage exposure – the theory is that you do the thing you feel afraid of to show yourself (and your anxiety) that there was nothing to fear. Repeating the exposure a few times should help the fear subside as you create the new belief that you are safe. Although the author accepts that sometimes exposure does not work.
She talks about the upward cycle of wellbeing – noting that many people complain that their lives have become smaller as they restrict more areas of their lives due to anxiety. She reminds us that confidence grows when you stretch yourself a little out of your comfort zone and show yourself what you are capable of. There’s advice to take small steps to say yes to one small thing that you have been avoiding.
She offers flip the script, setting intentions (SMART goals) and celebration (reward-based learning) exercises.
Putting together the four steps
A reminder of the four steps:
- Acknowledge and pay attention
- Accept and let it be
- Shift your focus back to the present
- Keep doing what you’re doing
Listening to what anxiety is telling you
A reminder why anxiety may keep turning up – with exploration of what is happening and what action you can take:
- A core belief that has been triggered (e.g. feeling like a burden, emotional inhibition, not feeling good enough and pressure to perform)
- A past trauma that has been triggered (e.g. PTSD, Little T traumas from childhood)
- You’re avoiding something (e.g. feeling unhappy in a relationship)
- Your system is stressed (a side effect of burnout is often anxiety, emotional and spiritual stress, physical stress)
Using anxiety for personal growth
Reminds us that anxiety is merely an alarm system designed to get you to pay attention. The author notes that anxiety can be a spur for personal growth.
There are stories that show sometimes anxiety suggests the need for deeper inner critic work (see Overcoming low self-esteem – a self help guide using cognitive). It dives a little deeper into seeing anxiety as a reason to review and revise your core beliefs. Or identifying and resolving small or major traumas (see What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience)
Self-reflection to help you listen to anxiety
Some practical activities to help you develop your ability to manage your anxiety.
There are helpful suggestions to maintain a journal and write down thoughts and concerns that pop up for you – and when this happens. And also to be more self-reflective generally.
There are detailed instructions for how to do a mindfulness-based body scan – to explore your sensations with curiosity. This allows you to become better acquainted with your anxiety and learn more about how it talks to you.
And there is guidance on how to be more mindful of any emotion – not just anxiety.
From anxiety about anxiety to trauma resolution
There are some final stories.
One about how a woman moved away from debilitating anxiety before events. It describes how her anxiety made the preparation and planning of events stressful. She used the EASE method. She then recalled an important experience at the age of six when she attended a family gathering and had food poisoning. This trauma created low-level anxiety before events which created the associated symptoms of nausea and tummy problems she was experiencing.
Another story explained where a women uncovered an early experience in her adolescence that held the key to understanding her anxiety.
Related resources on therapy and anxiety
My therapy web site is: Tasso Talking Therapy (Please don’t hesitate to telephone or email for an informal and confidential chat about your mental health)
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Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) October 2025. An overview of the therapeutic approach IFS that seeks to explore your internal parts – the exiles, managers and firefighters – and develop a greater sense of self and calm.
Attached by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller August 2025. How attachment theory can help you understand your relationship style – secure, avoidant and anxious.
Book review – Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers June 2024. Classic self-help book on managing anxiety
Book review – Counselling for toads May 2025. The modern classic explaining Transactional Analysis (TA) using a story by Robert de Board using Toad and other characters from “Wind in the Willows”
Book Review: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle March 2025 A best-selling guide to ceasing your incessant thoughts, focusing on the present “here and now”, spiritual enlightenment and finding inner peace.
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Book reviews on stress and trauma – “When the body says No” (kimtasso.com) June 2024 Review of “When the body says no – The cost of hidden stress” by Gabor Mate and “The body keeps the score – mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma” by Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk
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Dr Julie Smith (Mental Health Guidance) (kimtasso.com) July 2023. Review of the book “Why has nobody told me this before?” that explores helpful ideas on low mood and depression, motivation, anxiety, emotional pain, grief, self-doubt, fear, stress and a meaningful life.
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