Assertive communication: The importance of voice

May 16, 2023|Kim's Blog, Management Skills, Relationship Management|

At the PM Forum half day workshop on “Impact, assertiveness and effectiveness” there were delegates from law, intellectual property and accountancy firms. Some felt these skills weren’t taught at university and others wanted help to develop their roles and grow personally. Some were new to their roles and professional services marketing. There were also a fair number from Liverpool who were surrounded by the excitement of the Eurovision Song Contest preparations. Most wanted to increase their confidence in dealing with partners and other fee-earners. It’s worth mentioning that this year’s theme for mental health awareness month is anxiety. And there’s research to suggest that assertiveness training can reduce anxiety, stress and depression. A key theme from the workshop was Assertive communication: The importance of voice.

Keys to Assertive Communication

Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for what you believe while staying calm and positive and respecting others’ views. Assertive behaviour ensures that you’re able to make decisions which means you will hold some responsibility for outcomes.

To ensure your needs are met, assertiveness allows you to step in and voice your concerns. With assertive behaviour you minimise the chances of misunderstanding and can find win-win solutions in conflict. Most guidance on assertive communication covers the following:

Be aware of your body language – Keep your physical stance open; uncross arms and legs Non-Verbal Communication (NVC) – the basics (Video) (kimtasso.com)
Make direct eye contact, but soften your eyes so you’re not challenging
Speak clearly and calmly
Keep your tone of voice even and normal
Use “I statements” to address the issue so that the focus is on your need: “I can’t meet that deadline but would like to help you reach your goal.”
Be specific and direct in making your point such as “I will need more time to finish that task. Can you approve this?”
Make your request direct instead of non-direct such as “Will you please have that finished by today” instead of “Do you think it will be done by today?”
Sum up the main point and your agreement. This helps everyone to be clear about the plan and outcome expected

People are considered effective when they accomplish what they set out to accomplish – so stating your needs and goals, and reinforcing this with the way you explain them is important.

What Are The Six C’s Of Compelling Communication? And Why Should You Care? | LinkedIn (October 2022) suggests:

Clear
Concise
Correct
Contextual
Concrete
Carting

Assertive communication: The importance of voice

Most of us recognise the phrase “It’s not what you say, but how you say it” which is based on Albert Mehrabian’s research based on the 7%-38%-55% rule. Yet most people – particularly in these digital visual times – focus on body language or non-verbal communication from posture, expressions and gestures. Yet your voice is responsible for so much of the meaning,

We can consider the impact of voice across several dimensions (the 7Ps of voice):

Personality (your voice conveys your warmth and authority)
Passion (your voice expresses your energy)
Projection (volume is a key indicator of confidence)
Pitch (a lower pitch is perceived as more credible)
Pace (speaking too quickly might convey nervousness)
Pauses (another indicator of confidence – pauses add impact, allow time for key points to sink in or for people to reflect and form a response)
Prosody (the rhythm, stress and intonation of your speech might be perceived positively or negatively)

And I wrote about research on how accents are perceived recently Telephone skills for lawyers and accountants (kimtasso.com)

Tips for sounding more assertive

To sound and be perceived as more assertive, the suggestions are:

Use a balanced speech rate – avoid changing to a faster or slower rate as this creates uncertainty
Keep your vocal tone consistent – research has found that consistency is important. “Consistency in tone or motion indicates who really knows what they’re doing. When pitching, you could estimate ratings purely by tone of voice” (Pentland, MIT)
Avoid upspeak – This is where a statement ends with a questioning up tone. It lacks authority and suggests you are tentative. Raising rate at the end of a statement suggests a question.

Conversational Tricks to Sound More Confident | The Muse includes the following tips:

Speak more slowly
Use pauses to your advantage
Avoid asides
Lower your vocal range
Improve your posture
Gesticulate
Talk more

Boundaries for assertive communication

Boundaries define what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in a relationship. We talked about:

Porous boundaries	Healthy boundaries	Rigid boundaries
Overly trusting of others	Takes time to build trust with others	Very untrusting of others
Overshares personal information	Shares personal information appropriately	Very guarded with personal information
HAs difficulty saying No to others	Able to say No when needed	Says No to others most of the time
Quick to adopt others’ opinions	Values both own and others’ opinions	Tends to ignore others’ opinions
Avoids conflict by giving in to others	Accepts conflict as a normal part of life	Avoids conflict by pushing others away
Does not assert personal values	Stands by personal values, but can adapt	Has inflexible personal values
Communicates passively	Communicates assertively	Communicates aggressively

Assertiveness reduces stress, anxiety and depression

This year’s mental health awareness week focuses on anxiety.

In a 2016, an Iranian research paper found that assertiveness training was effective at reducing stress and anxiety of high school students.

The test found a significant difference between the mean score for assertiveness in the experimental group before, immediately after, and two months after implementing the training program.

Two months after the intervention, the mean score for anxiety in the experimental group was found significantly lower than the control group.

The Effectiveness of Assertiveness Training on the Levels of Stress, Anxiety, and Depression of High School Students – PMC (nih.gov)

The following posts focus on depression:

change process – Emotions when reacting to change (kimtasso.com)

Lost connections – Why you’re depressed by Johann Hari (kimtasso.com)

art and science of overcoming clinical depression (2021) by Oliver Kamm” (kimtasso.com)

Tips for making an impact at work

In 10 of the Best Ways to Make an Impact at Work – iConnectEngineers the author offers the following ideas to make an impact at work (many of these ideas are explored further on this blog under the heading of “Be more proactive”)

Initiate new ideas
Update co-workers on your progress
Be positive
Let others count on you
Pay attention to what your co-workers say
Speak up
Go the extra mile
Be a leader
Network
Think ahead

Key takeaways on assertiveness, effectiveness and impact from delegates

During the session on assertiveness, effectiveness and impact we covered many topics. Many of these themes are explored further Assertiveness skills – getting what you want and saying “No” (kimtasso.com). The delegates indicated that these were their key takeaways:

Be aware of my own perception of people – as this will impact how I interact with them and therefore their response to me (self-fulfilling prophesy)

Be clear on your personal goals to support you in being more assertive

Assuming the outcome of a conversation is going to be negative is likely to influence that outcome in reality

Prioritise what is urgent vs what is important

Implement healthy boundaries (during the session we discussed the difference between

A key goal is to be more strategic and more assertive so learn how to say “No”

Dedicate more time to prepare and brainstorm before meetings

Be more concise when I speak

Do not underestimate the value of my role

Soften ways to say “No” so you still appear positive and co-operative. For example, offer a different time-frame to complete a task so that it is not a hard no

Avoid panicking and saying ‘yes’ when you mean to decline Instead say ‘I would love to, but’ when we are too busy

Be visible to fee-earners Be visible, assert and challenge and remember your goals (kimtasso.com) and Be more visible – the PVI model (kimtasso.com)

Do not be afraid to ask for help if you are unsure or don’t know something. This great book provides assistance in how to ask for help Reinforcements: How to get people to help you by Heidi Grant (kimtasso.com). One delegate wisely commented “Lean on your team”

We are not alone in feeling the way we do – others in similar roles in different firms often feel the same way. This was experienced during a session in 2021 assertiveness, effectiveness and impact – We’re all in the same boat (kimtasso.com). During this session, these were some of the delegate’s feelings – many of which reflect on their firm’s culture:

- I often feel like other departments don’t see the point of what we do in marketing and business development
- Marketing and business development can sometimes feel like a chore or afterthought for others
- In the professions, firms are often built on archaic attitudes or legislation, whereas marketing moves very quickly. I often feel out of step in the name of future-proofing our output