Be more confident – Slow down

January 15, 2025|Accountants, Kim's Blog, Lawyers, Management Skills, Psychology, Relationship Management|

Speed is a hallmark of contemporary life. But remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Speed isn’t always the winning strategy. At the recent MBL session on “Boost Your Confidence at Work – A toolbox for professionals” we considered the benefits of slowing things down. There were two main reasons. First, it gives us time to think before reacting so there’s better emotional regulation. And pauses give everyone time to reflect. Second, speaking slower can convey confidence. We may want to be more tortoise, less hare. Be more confident – Slow down.

Slow down to manage emotions

Research suggest that emotions lasts just 90 seconds. By slowing down you can become more aware of what you are feeling and thinking. Slowing down means you are less likely to react in haste as if on autopilot. Slowing down can help increase self-awareness. It gives you a chance to choose how to respond. The STOP technique (Step back. Think. Organise your thoughts. Proceed when you know your best action) is described in this video Building Resilience – Regulation, Reframing, Relationships. Emotional regulation is explored further here: Emotional Regulation – A key element of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Our brain can hi-jack our emotions, thoughts and behaviours. The brain makes no distinction between reality and thoughts. Whether we are facing an angry bear or imagining an angry bear our brain reacts the same. When the brain detects a threat, it floods our bodies with neurotransmitters that ignite the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response. This increases blood flow to our arms and legs, thus reducing it to our brains. So our cognitive and thinking capabilities may become impaired. But if we slow down we can choose what we think about – and manage our reaction – and avoid the autopilot that sometimes takes over.

We explored grounding and mindfulness techniques to calm ourselves and help focus on the present moment. To consider what you are feeling and thinking (and why). To assess the impact of our brain’s automatic threat response (which is what we might feel as anxiety). So then we can choose how to respond rather than simply reacting.

Slowing things down also helps us to become aware of our cognitive biases (we talked about the spotlight and negative biases in the session), our limiting assumptions and the voice of our inner critic.

Our inner critic often serves up automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that destroy our confidence. If we slow down, we have time to challenge those thoughts and assess whether they are realistic and fair and supported by evidence.

Slow down to appear more confident

Fast speaking can be perceived as nervousness and anxiety.

Some delegates had observed barristers in action. They reflected barristers appeared to be well-prepared and confident. And they always spoke well and confidently in court – presenting their case well and without hesitation. Barristers appeared unfazed by questions and counter evidence. Are barristers always more confident or are they masters at managing how they are perceived?

We can’t mind read. We don’t know what is going on in the heads of barristers. We assess the confidence of barristers by looking at how they behave. They behave in a calm and measured way. Barristers have to invest heavily in developing their advocacy skills during their training. What is advocacy? Top tips for developing key barrister skills| Insights | BPP

Speaking slowly and enunciating clearly aids communication. This aids communication. Time allows us to emphasise key words and ideas. It gives everyone a chance to absorb and reflect on what we say.

In the best-selling book Never split the difference: Negotiating by Chris Voss I noted there’s advice to slow things down as there is research to show that the passage of time is one of the most important tools for a negotiator. The author comments “Talking slowly and clearly conveys “I am in control”.”

Focus and clarity in our messaging helps convey confidence too. Some delegates liked the reminder of Power of three – Writing and presentation basics (Video).

Why we speak at pace

We learn thoughts, behaviours and habits as children from our parents and caregivers. This is also how we learn to speak and express ourselves. We adopt their pace of talking. Embedded in these family patterns are our cultural norms. Our parents and caregivers will have learned the same way. Several delegates observed that they behaved in similar ways to their parents. But we can choose to think and behave differently when we are adults.

Some people who are not native English speakers worry about their accents and whether their language is OK. In my experience, non-native English speakers in the workplace speak incredibly good English. But sometimes they are so articulate and fluent and speak so fast that people around them simply can’t keep up. This may be because they are speaking at the speed of their native language which is often faster than English.

Other observations on voice

Assertive communication: The importance of voice

It was interesting that some delegates reflected that those who spoke the most and the loudest were not always right. They mentioned that many politicians conveyed their confidence and conviction in an unwavering way. This is an interesting article on this topic Politicians have to excel at public speaking. Can you tell if they’ve had public speaking training? — Anthony Shuster Speech & Accent

Some delegates asked about visibility in the hybrid world after I mentioned “Research indicates (Harvey J Coleman “Empowering yourself: The Organisational Game Revealed”) that performance is only 10% of the consideration for promotion – Image accounts for 30% and exposure (visibility) for 60%”. This article discusses ways to increase visibility in meetings – including learning to be more comfortable with speaking up Confidence – How to get a word in when people keep talking

Other perspectives on speaking fast and slowness

Do You Talk Too Fast? 9 Ways To Slow It Down (with Science) This 2023 article explores the rate at which you speak. It includes videos showing you how it feels when you speak at, say, 140 or 200 words per minute.

Do You Talk Too Fast? How to Slow Down | Psychology Today United Kingdom November 2019

Reasons why people may talk too fast – thinking “a mile a minute”, nervousness, socially conditioned or native tongue is inherently faster than English
Tips to slow down and sound more composed
- Monitor your speaking rate
- Ask for reminders
- Use bottled water as a prop
- Build in pauses

Mastering the Art of Slow Speech: How to Speak Slower and Why It Matters — Cannon Voice Training

Advantages of speaking slower:
- Engages audience, projects confidence, infuses more emotion and emphasis and gives words more weight
Slowing down tips:
- Use diaphragmatic breathing, record and review yourself talking, manage time to avoid rushing, embrace silence, be concise and pause
Advanced methods:
- Anchoring, concentrate on enunciation, develop stage presence

Is slowness the essence of knowledge? | BPS British Psychological Society June 2017

In his 2011 book Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman suggested that the human mind consists of two competing systems. His central hypothesis is a dichotomy between two modes of thought: ‘System 1’ is fast, instinctive and emotional. ‘System 2’ is slower, effortful, more deliberative, conscious, and more logical
Malcolm Gladwell’s 2007 Blink exalts the virtue of ‘thinking without thinking’. His central idea is that spontaneous decisions are often as good as, or superior to, carefully planned and considered ones. Gladwell’s acclamation for snap judgements and first impressions has many parallels with Kahneman’s concept of ‘fast’ thinking.
If emotions prompt rapid responses, cognitive reappraisal is the ability to more slowly re-evaluate our initial reaction. This slower process allows us to regulate our own emotions and respond more appropriately to situations.
Slowness may even be a hallmark of the ‘healthy’ brain (Kringelbach et al., 2015)
As the ‘slow movement’ advocates a cultural shift towards slowing down life’s pace, so does the evidence.

Delegate reactions

Delegate aims for the session

Delegates were from legal, accountancy, financial services, government and not-for-profit organisations. Their reasons for attending the session included:

Overcome self-doubt
Not crumble when people push back
Be less of a people-pleaser
Be comfortable saying No sometimes
Appear more confident
Feel less anxious when I meet new people
Be more confident in groups and meetings
Feel more confident
Feel more comfortable when delivering presentations
Manage “difficult” situations and “difficult” people more confidently

Delegate key takeaways

Slowing down (as well as taking pauses) when speaking
Boundaries Team management issues – Managing up, boundaries and broken relationships
Grounding techniques Grounding Techniques: Exercises for Anxiety, PTSD, and More
90 seconds for emotions (and not letting them linger) Emotional Regulation – A key element of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Being more assertive rather than passive Assertiveness skills – getting what you want and saying “No”
Speak confidently Confidence – How to get a word in when people keep talking
Dress confidently for meetings
Projecting confidence (almost like playing a character)
Focus on no more than three key messages when speaking Power of three – Writing and presentation basics (Video)
Be more visible Be more visible – the PVI model
- This article talks about visibility in our digital and hybrid world Confidence – How to get a word in when people keep talking

Delegate poll results

Confidence levels

	At the start of session?	How would you like to feel at work?	At the end of the session?
1
2
3			20%
4	17%
5
6	50%		20%
7	33%	17%	60%
8
9		50%
10		33%

How often do you experience Imposter Syndrome?

50% Occasionally
50% Often

Which is the situation where you most lack confidence?

33% Actual or virtual meetings

33% Conflict situations
17% Day-to-day role within the team
17% Social/conversations
0% Learning new things
0% Presentations/public speaking
0% Telephone calls

Do you avoid things that make you feel nervous?

100% Sometimes

(I mentioned that you should not avoid the things that make you nervous. As this will usually increase your anxiety about it and make you feel more nervous)

Are you mostly:

50% An optimist
50% A pessimist

How resilient do you think you are? Improve your resilience – tools to help you cope in difficult times (kimtasso.com)

0% Very low
17% Low
0% Average
50% High
33% Very high

What impact do you think clothes have on how confident you appear? (1=low, 10=high)

3
4
5
6 50%
7
8 17%
9
10 33%

Where does most of your personal power come from? How do you make a personal impact – Make a difference (kimtasso.com)

33% Presence
0% Authority
67% Impact

Do you think you are: Assertiveness skills – getting what you want and saying “No” (kimtasso.com)

33% Assertive
67% Passive
0% Passive-Aggressive
0% Aggressive

I think my boundaries are:

20% Porous
40% Healthy
40% Rigid

Slow down to manage emotions

Slow down to appear more confident

Why we speak at pace

Other observations on voice

Other perspectives on speaking fast and slowness

Delegate reactions

Delegate aims for the session

Delegate key takeaways

Delegate poll results

Related posts on confidence

Tags

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Be more confident – Slow down

Slow down to manage emotions

Slow down to appear more confident

Why we speak at pace

Other observations on voice

Other perspectives on speaking fast and slowness

Delegate reactions

Delegate aims for the session

Delegate key takeaways

Delegate poll results

Related posts on confidence

Tags

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