A complete guide to effective mentoring

September 2, 2024|Accountants, Kim's Blog, Lawyers, Management Skills, Relationship Management|

I’ve reviewed many books on coaching and mentoring over the years. This Financial Times Guide was published in Spring 2024 and is particularly attractive to leaders who want to understand the value of mentoring in the workplace. It will be valuable to human resources professionals who implement or improve their mentoring programmes. Mentoring is a key tool to promote communication, collaboration and learning and development. And it’s particularly useful to support the progression of future leaders and those in minority groups. One of the authors – Andy Lopata – is leading the mentoring workshop for the professional services sector at the Coaching Skills Academy – PM Forum. His workshop on “Meaningful mentoring” takes place on 15th October. Book review – Mentoring: A complete guide to effective mentoring by Dr Ruth Gotian and Andy Lopata.

About the authors – Andy Lopata and Dr Ruth Gotian

Andy Lopata is an experienced international speaker and podcast host and this is his sixth book. He also writes for Psychology Today. He has held leadership positions in speaking, learning and mentoring associations.

Andy Lopata | LinkedIn His web site: Homepage – Andy Lopata

I reviewed Andy’s book on relationships at the end of 2023 Connected leadership – How professional relationships (kimtasso.com). Andy presented at the 2023 PM Forum conference on mentoring 28th PM Forum Conference: Organisational culture, mentoring (kimtasso.com).

Andy will facilitate a Coaching Skills Academy | Managing Partners’ Forum (mpfglobal.com) workshop (presented jointly by the Managing Partners’ Forum | (mpfglobal.com) and Home – PM Forum. This is on 15^th October Meaningful Mentoring | Managing Partners’ Forum (mpfglobal.com)

Dr Ruth Gotian is Chief Learning Officer and Associate Professor of Education in Anaesthesiology and former founding Assistant Dean of Mentoring and Executive Director of the Mentoring Academy at Weill Cornell Medicine. She was recently recognized as one of the top 20 mentors in the world by the International Federation of Learning and Development. She wrote the best-selling book “The Success Factor”.

About – Dr. Ruth Gotian

About the book – Mentoring: A complete guide to effective mentoring by Dr Ruth Gotian and Andy Lopata

The authors have two primary audiences:

Senior leaders who oversee mentoring programmes in their organisations and/or have an opportunity to mentor others
Human resource professionals who are responsible for introducing and implementing mentoring programmes within an organisation

They build a strong case for why and how to introduce mentoring into your organisation.

The 190-page book starts with an impressive list of recommendations – from leading companies, business schools, leadership authorities, Thinkers50, mentoring associations, NHS and sports people as well as professional services firms such as DLA Piper.

It’s a comprehensive introduction to the value of mentoring – for organisations, mentors and mentees. There’s some duplication to enable readers to tackle sections independently of the entire book. There are many resources included: worksheets, questionnaires, assessments, case studies, step-by-step guides, curated resource lists and interactive activities.

The Case for Mentoring – why mentoring is important

Mentoring is a powerful tool for talent acquisition, retention and development, personal career success and problem solving. Research from Olivet Nazarene University found that whilst 76% of people understand the importance of mentoring, only 37% actually have a mentor. It lists some universal challenges:

How to ensure your mentoring relationships are focused
Coping with time management issues
Unfocused matchmaking

It sets out challenges faced by:

mentors (how to inspire mentees, how to navigate conflict, scaling your mentorship)
mentees (support from managers and peers, balancing conflicting advice and demands, when the mentor becomes a tormentor)
organisations (promotion of mentoring programmes, attracting good mentors, confusing mentoring and coaching, making mentoring appealing)

There are stories exploring why mentoring is important. For example, identifying opportunities for improvement, shifting mindsets and overcoming business challenges. It argues that mentors sit beside (not opposite) mentees.

Two thirds of Fortune 500 companies have a mentoring programme. Research underscores that for mentoring to be effective, conversations need to be contextual and intentional and focused on specific areas of development.

Mentors can open doors, protect you from politics and cheer you on when things don’t go as planned. There’s evidence that those who are mentored out-earn and outperform those who are not.

90% of those who are mentored are satisfied with their jobs, and more than half (57%) are ‘very satisfied”
89% of those mentored feel their contributions are valued by their colleagues
70% of those mentored share that their company offers them excellent or good opportunities for advancement, while just 47% of those without a mentor share this sentiment
4 in 10 workers who do not have a mentor considered quitting their job in the last three months compared to only 25% of those mentored
Only 14% of mentoring relationships started by asking someone to be their mentor, 61% developed organically
Mentoring programmes improved minority representation at management level by 9%-24% compared to 2%-18% with other diversity initiatives

Mentoring is typically only introduced at key moments on career journeys. The authors argue for more open programmes as if you develop employees early you are building your company’s pipeline. Mentored employees more likely to be loyal to the organisation.

Remote working and becoming an executive can be isolating. The book explores different mentoring models such as peer and reverse mentoring (which is particularly important where we have up to five generations working in the same office).

The burden of the minority tax is described. Mentors “pay it forward” and learn by giving.

What does effective mentoring look like?

This section explores different types of mentoring:

Traditional-hierarchy – Often senior executives in the same organisation or leaders in the same role in other sectors
Peer mentoring – Those at a similar stage in their career (“friendtors”)
Peer group mentoring – This includes action learning sets, mastermind groups (with helpful guidance on how to set one up) and mentoring circles (typically between five to seven participants)
Flash or hallway mentoring – Demand by Millennials for short, sharp mentoring conversations centred around specific projects
Reverse mentoring – In fast paced areas like technology and social responsibility, usually younger people act as mentors but also for minority groups
Sector schemes – Organised by third party organisations such as industry associations establish (e.g. Women in Banking and Finance, Managing Partners’ Forum in professional services and Elevate for those in the creative and events industry)
Communities of practice – For example, The Mentor Project where experts and educators come together to mentor students worldwide
Mentoring teams – The value of diversity of thought can be achieved by having a number of supportive mentors who can act as a sounding board for an individual

There is an exploration of the merits of formal (sanctioned or supported by the organisation with clear structures, polices and support systems) and informal mentoring.

The authors note that mentors are often chosen not for their skill or competence but their availability. Research shows that few formal inhouse mentoring programmes are effective or meeting their intended goals. Reasons include: poor pairing, no exit plan and only for selected members of the workforce.

Both sides of the debate on whether a formal agreement is necessary or effective are explored.

“A mentor is a guide by your side who believes in you more than you believe in yourself”

Why mentoring is not coaching

“A coach has some great questions for your answers; a mentor has some great answers for your questions” John C Crosby

The authors see mentoring and coaching as complementary disciplines. And then explain the differences between role models, consultants, sponsors, coaches (“delves deeply into challenges to help the client find solutions”) and mentors.

“Mentors have experience, expertise, vision and skills which can help you in your career. “They can equally see the road travelled and the path ahead. They are part career advisor, part cheerleader”

There’s a helpful diagram exploring the coaching-mentoring spectrum

Coaching operates at the top of invested triangle and rarely strays beyond awareness questioning
Mentoring operates up and down the inverted triangle with more happening at the top than the bottom
Consultancy operates towards the bottom of the inverted triangle

The inverted triangle:

Listening to understand Active Listening (Video) (kimtasso.com)
Paraphrasing – summarising
Awareness questioning Why are questions so important? (Questioning skills) (kimtasso.com)
Suggesting options – offering guidance
Giving advice
Instructing – telling

The authors note that coaching is a regulated field so you should confirm that your coach is properly qualified and supervised. Whereas there is very little accreditation and minimal training available for mentors (but notes that The Association of Business Mentors in the UK has introduced degree and masters level training developed in conjunction with the Institute of Leadership and Management).

Coaches and mentors

You can have both coaches and mentors. There’s an interesting story from a Senior VP who explains that her coach excels at asking questions that require reflection rather than immediate responses to ensure she thinks more deeply. She also has many mentors.

Francesca Lagerberg, Global CEO of multinational accountancy firm Baker Tilly believes in the power of both mentoring and coaching and fulfils both roles for members of her team. She is a fully accredited practitioner executive coach. She says mentoring is particularly beneficial for individuals who are early in their careers or going through significant transitions.

Nearly 40 years ago, Kathy Kram, a leading thought leader and researcher on mentoring outlined two roles of a mentor: providing career guidance and psychosocial support.

Being a mentor

Why should you mentor other people? The authors note that often mentoring is done on a voluntary rather than commercial basis. Various people talk about the opportunity to support others, witnessing the growth and achievements of mentees and helping under-represented groups (with more commentary on diversity programmes).

It shifts then to consider “are you good enough to be a mentor?”. And says that Imposter Syndrome stops many from accepting invitations to be a mentor. There’s advice to check with the aims of any mentoring programme before accepting a role as well as considering your own personal and professional objectives.

There’s mention of Erik Ericksons idea of “generativity” – the need to give back and help the next generation. And recognition that it is not only senior people but midcareer professionals who may be mentors.

There’s an exploration of how organisations, senior management teams or networks within organisations approach potential mentors whether for new directors, succession planning or “rising leaders” programmes. The GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) programme is described where mentees meet with mentors every two weeks. Mentoring can help breakdown silos.

There’s a mention of National Mentoring Day on 27^th October. In “Who should you mentor?” there’s advice to speak to Human Resources teams and the employee resource groups (ERGs) in your organisation.

In responsibilities of a mentor, there’s a touching story showing how sometimes the mentor-mentee relationship can last throughout a career. And how a simple act by a mentor can have a life changing impact. “As a mentor, you are the bridge between what they are doing and what they didn’t even know was possible”.

There’s reassurance that as a mentor you aren’t expected to know all the answers but can always help by bringing your wider network of contacts into play. There’s guidance on keeping your mentees on track by setting clear objectives and milestones and holding the mentee accountable.

The authors advise that whilst agendas aren’t necessary, advance knowledge of key topics to be discussed will help both parties focus and make efficient use of the time. There are reminders to avoid distractions and to be present at mentoring sessions and to be both completely honest and maintain confidentiality.

The ICE CREAM model is used to summarise these points:

Introduce
Connect
Engage

Create opportunities
Reply
Encourage
Amplify
Motivate

Ingredients of an effective mentoring relationship

Mentoring agility considers that what might work for one mentee may not be appropriate for another. So mentors need to be adaptable (adaptability refers to “an individual’s ability, skill, disposition, willingness and/or motivation to change or fit different task, social or environmental features”). There’s a nod to Kolb’s leaning style inventory here Improve learning effectiveness – Using Kolb’s learning styles (kimtasso.com)

There’s guidance on creating a safe space and developing rapport between mentor and mentee (primarily around small talk). And the need to show vulnerability, respect and trust (person, role and organisation) by both parties.

Advantage blindness, superiority illusion, mentoring those from other generations and neurodiversity are addressed. There’s advice on what to do when your mentee chooses a different path to the one you have discussed and the value of storytelling.

Accountability can be supported by someone keeping a note of the main points discussed and actions agreed at mentoring meetings. A few methods to deliver feedback are described including the praise sandwich and Disney Pixar’s “plussing” approach. The art of giving feedback – top tips (kimtasso.com)

There’s a helpful checklist for what you do before, during and after a mentoring meeting. And 10 ideas for ways to communicate with your mentee.

It suggests that good mentor gives directive advice when needed. And some insights into the best mentoring conversations (establishing a connection, listening, parking your ego, helicopter view, empowerment and capturing challenges and accomplishments to review).

The chapter on “When the mentoring relationship isn’t working” describes the alliance as “mutual respect, shared responsibility for learning, effective communication and feedback, co-operation, willingness to negotiate conflict and a sense of security”. There’s advice on managing a lack of engagement (including Dr Drago Severson’s four ways of knowing) and dealing with pushback.

The mentoring cycle explores the signs of a tired or complacent mentoring relationship and handling the strain as a mentor. The reasons why mentoring relationships go wrong are explored including: lack of chemistry or fit, lack of training, lack of engagement, poor planning, unclear communication, unmanaged expectations and culture.

Supporting mentoring as an organization

This section explores who owns, promotes, supports and tracks the mentoring programme in an organisation – human resources, learning & development or Employee Resource Groups.

The need for senior leadership advocacy of and buy-in to the programme is stressed. And for line managers to support their team members participating in mentoring programmes. There are suggestions to forge links with external organisations to share mentors with different backgrounds and perspectives.

There’s a discussion of who should be in the mentoring programme. And guidance on how to match mentors and mentees, provide a frictionless process to find a mentor and smooth exit ramps. There’s even a comment about the use of AI in the matching process.

There’s a short chapter on measuring success and the return on investment of the mentoring programme. And obtaining feedback from both mentors and mentees.

Being mentored

The final 20 pages are for mentees. The authors argue that it’s never too late and you’re never too successful to need a mentor. And there are stories from highly accomplished leaders who explain that they still need mentoring.

There is a series of questions to help you figure out what sort of mentoring might be useful to you. And suggestions for how to find the right mentor – within and beyond your network. There’s also some interesting material about why we don’t like to ask for help (e.g. status threat) (This book explores this topic in more detail Reinforcements: How to get people to help you by Heidi Grant (kimtasso.com))

The book concludes that mentoring is “a powerful force for personal and professional growth that has the potential to transform individuals, organisations and entire communities”. The authors pose some questions to help the reader consider next actions and there’s a table summarising five recommendations to build momentum for mentoring to drive business growth.

The book was also reviewed by Forbes on 14^th August The Universal Power Of Mentoring (forbes.com) by Dan Pontefract. Key points mentioned:

The Importance of Organizational Support
The Reciprocal Nature of Mentoring
Practical Strategies and Broader Impact

Those who want a deeper dive into practical mentoring skills might like to look at Transformational Mentoring – creating developmental alliances (kimtasso.com)

Personal note

Several years ago, I was invited by the late Clive Lewis OBE to support his work on a trailblazing mentoring programme. He founded the Bridge Builders Mentoring Scheme in 2014 which focused on social mobility for boys and girls from disadvantaged backgrounds. Clive Lewis (business psychologist) – Wikipedia

Andy Lopata at the Coaching Skills Academy

The Managing Partners’ Forum and PM Forum have a Coaching Skills Academy offering a range of training workshops for leaders and marketing and business development professionals in coaching and mentoring.

Coaching Skills Academy – PM Forum (a joint venture between Managing Partners’ Forum | (mpfglobal.com) and Home – PM Forum)

Coaching teams – a practical toolkit (1^st October – Jamie Butler)
Meaningful mentoring (15^th October – Andy Lopata)
Introduction to coaching and mentoring skills (5^th November)
Developing people’s resilience (25^th November)
Advanced coaching skills (19^th December)

The Managing Partners’ Forum and PM Forum operate a free Mentor Match service for members: Mentor Match – PM Forum and Mentor Match- General Guidance | Managing Partners’ Forum (mpfglobal.com)

Other books on coaching and mentoring

Introductory coaching and mentoring books:

Book Review: The Coaching Manual by Julie Starr – Kim Tasso July 2024

Book review: Coaching skills: A handbook by Jenny Rogers (kimtasso.com) June 2022

The following coaching books are for more advanced/experienced coaches and mentors:

The Fertile Void – Gestalt coaching at work by John Leary-Joyce (kimtasso.com) August 2024

Transformational Mentoring – creating developmental alliances (kimtasso.com) July 2024

Neuroscience for learning and development by Stella Collins (kimtasso.com) September 2023

Helping people change: Coaching with compassion (kimtasso.com) October 2019

Coaching models – book review of Stephen Gribben’s book (kimtasso.com) August 2017

Other books and some coaching qualifications are listed here: Coaching and consulting skills for M&BD workshop (November 2021) (kimtasso.com)

These books are helpful on organisational and cultural change:

Book review: The Thriving Lawyer by Traci Cipriano (resilience) (kimtasso.com) June 2024

Neuroscience for learning and development by Stella Collins (kimtasso.com) September 2023

Book review: Neuroscience for organizational change by Hilary Scarlett (kimtasso.com) May 2020

Change management – Change Catalyst book review by Kim Tasso September 2018

change management and organisational change (kimtasso.com) January 2017 “Making sense of change management: A complete guide to the models, tools and techniques of organisational change” by Esther Cameron and Mike Green

Classic management book reviews – The McKinsey way, Good to great (kimtasso.com)

About the authors – Andy Lopata and Dr Ruth Gotian

About the book – Mentoring: A complete guide to effective mentoring by Dr Ruth Gotian and Andy Lopata