Soft skills – Boost your self-confidence and confidence (Video)

October 9, 2020|Kim's Blog, Management Skills, Relationship Management|

This short (8 minute video) looks at a soft skill – how to boost your self-confidence and confidence.

(Video script)

Hi I’m Kim Tasso

Today I want to talk to you about confidence…how to boost your self-confidence and confidence.

And I’ll start by asking the question – Why do you lack confidence and how to boost your confidence?

Today I am wearing BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK because it makes me feel more confident – maybe you have a little trick like that? Many people feel more confident in their business or work wear – and that’s been tough as during Covid we all work from home and wear more relaxed clothes now.

So. There are two things to think about – SELF-CONFIDENCE is INTERNAL and is how you feel about yourself and CONFIDENCE is EXTERNAL and what you convey to others. How you are perceived.

We might feel really unconfident but appear confident or vice versa.

BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE

So how do you FEEL more confident? How do you increase your self-confidence?

Your self-confidence is based on your self-esteem – Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves

And much of our self-esteem is created when we are young. It’s linked to how our parents and carers spoke to us and helped us when we made mistakes or compared ourselves to others.

And current difficult or stressful life experiences can often be a factor. For example, losing your job. So it’s not surprising – during Covid – when so many people are adversely impacted – that so many people are feeling less confident

Some people lack self-confidence so much that they suffer from Imposter Syndrome – psychological pattern where they doubt their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud“. Even Michelle Obama admitted to having it sometimes.

So how can you increase your self-confidence? There’s lots of ideas on increasing confidence in an article I wrote on confidence in June 2019 on my web site but here are a few favourites:

Shut up your inner critic – if you have a small voice in side you that fills your head with negative self-talk then shut them up. OR drown out their voices by telling yourself that you ARE good enough, that you HAVE prepared and that you’ve DONE WELL on similar things before
DO your homework and prepare – Get everything you need in advance of a situation. Do the research and reading. Get totally on top of the information. Anticipate questions of difficulties. Identify how you can respond. Rehearse if necessary
Find radiators not drains – Avoid spending time with emotional drains – people who are critical and negative. Surround yourself with radiators – people who are positive and enthusiastic and supportive and who radiate warmth

If we are fearful – afraid of a situation, a person or of failing – we will feel less confident. Our bodies get flooded with stress hormones. Then we don’t perform so well – so it’s kind of self-fulfilling. So we need to be self-aware and notice if we start to feel anxious and what caused it. Emotional intelligence is a key skill here.

We can try to self-calm ourselves – by using relaxation, mindfulness or meditation techniques. Learn to build your resilience so it’s easier to recover from knock-backs.

It also helps if you get enough rest and sleep, if you eat well and if you take regular exercise.

INCREASE YOUR CONFIDENCE

Try to build your inner self-confidence. But you can also alter your behaviour to appear more self-confident.

This relates to non-verbal communication – not what you say but HOW you say it

For example – speak at a high volume – people perceive those who speak loudly as more confident. And speak at a good pace – not too fast and not too slow. And see if you have lower the pitch of your voice – lower pitch conveys confidence

And think about your body posture. Take up as much space as possible and unfold your arms and legs so that you appear open and without barriers.

And make sure that you have your head held high – maintain eye contact. Lighthouse around the people – connecting with each in turn. Don’t look like defeated players on a football or ruby pitch with your head bowed down

And put a smile on your face – it will make you feel better too

Here’s a signed photo of Linda Carter when she played Wonder Woman. She was one of my heroines. She also has a small red star on her headdress. And here’s one of my favourite tips – BE MORE WONDER WOMAN

But there’s science behind this. Psychologist Amy Cuddy produced a brilliant video explaining that when you adopt one of five POWER poses for just 2 minutes you increase the level of testosterone in your system which actually makes you feel more confident.

One of those poses – legs astride and hands on hips – is fondly known as – you guessed it – the Wonder Woman pose. And it the same pose adopted by the famous statue called “The Fearless Girl” – This is the pose (Wonder Woman toy model)

So I hope that gives you some ideas – and makes you feel more confident

And remember –Confidence changes everything!

Thanks for watching and listening

There are lots of other posts about confidence. For example:

we’re all in the same (stressed) boat (kimtasso.com) May 2024

How to create and promote your personal brand – Kim Tasso May 2024

Book review – Creating self-esteem by Lynda Field (kimtasso.com) March 2024

What do you do when your boss is a micro-managing control freak? (kimtasso.com) March 2024

Questions on confidence at work (kimtasso.com) January 2024

Book review: How to do the work (recognise your patterns (kimtasso.com) December 2023

The patterns of NLP applied to business interactions by Daryll Scott (kimtasso.com) December 2023

How to start conversations that get results (kimtasso.com) September 2023