The Art of Listening

May 7, 2025|Kim's Blog, Management Skills, Marketing, Psychology, Relationship Management|

PM Forum Canada presented a fantastic webinar on the art of listening. I was really impressed with the book by Kate Murphy You’re not listening – What you’re missing and this session was equally illuminating. The session – attended by over 200 delegates – provided insights into how to listen without filters to your people, clients and communities to build reputation, strengthen relationships and generate revenue. The “The Art of Listening” session was introduced by PM Forum Canada Committee member Kelly Peace | LinkedIn (Other committee members are shown here Canada – PM Forum). The two speakers were (1) Paul Clarke | LinkedIn and (1) Helen (Hannan) Evans | LinkedIn of – We build brands from the inside out | The Listening People. All three are veterans of professional services marketing having worked for and with many of the world’s leading global firms.

Listening is a subject close to my heart. As a therapist, I spent much of my training learning how to really listen. To put my views aside, to avoid pre-conceptions and to listen intently with my ears and my eyes. To listen to what is not being said. And to really consider what the person is trying to communicate.

Why is listening so important?

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable” David Augsburger

They mentioned that the number one skill of hostage negotiators is listening – to develop empathy and trust (see Never split the difference: Negotiating by Chris Voss). And that a doctor’s best source of evidence about the patient’s problem is what the patient says (noting that, on average, patients speak only 18 seconds before the doctor interrupts – Jerome Groopman, how doctors think, Dina and Raphael Recanati Chair of Medicine at Harvard Medical School). They argued that listening insights allows you to also build effective thought leadership campaigns.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak” Epictetus

The cost of poor listening (Echo Listening Intelligence) includes:

Miscommunication costs organisations millions – poor listening can cost organisations up to $62.4 million annually
Wasted time for companies – the average company spends approximately 17.5 hours a week clarifying
Ineffective communication plagues small businesses – over 70% of small businesses report ineffective communication is their primary problem

They listed the benefits of meaningful listening:

Empathy and emotional connection
Engagement and knowledge sharing
Critical assessment of what is being said
Positive work and personal relationships
Faster and more efficient outcomes
Clarity – avoid misunderstanding

The science of listening – there was a diagram showing the five levels of listening:

Listening to yourself
Listening to the content
Listening for the context
Listening for the unsaid
Listening for the meaning

“The dirty secret of listening? It’s not your job to make sense of what they are saying. It’s your job to make sense of what they are meaning” (Oscar Trimboli)

Listening skills

“To improve listening skills, people need to be aware of their overconfidence, the speed mismatch between speaking and thinking and the internal barriers that prevent effective listening”

84% of people consider themselves to be above average listeners, but only 2% have had any formal listening training
The 125/400/900 rule – we speak at 125 words per minute, we listen at 400 words per minute and we can think at 900 words per minute
Approximately 65% of people describe their listening barrier as themselves, not the speaker or how they are speaking

The Neurolinguistic Institute (NLI) found over 150 biases impacting our everyday thinking, both personally and professionally. They’ve condensed them into five main categories:

Similarity
Expedience
Experience
Distance
Safety

There is more information about cognitive biases here Changing behaviour in the workplace to boost productivity – psychology

What makes a good listener?

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” Stephen R Covey

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self” Dean Jackson

Focus and attention
Creating the right environment
Tuning out inner thoughts
Not planning a response
Physical and verbal feedback
Care, curiosity and a genuine interest What is curiosity and why is it important in business relationships? (Video)
Asks questions based on what’s said Why are questions so important? (Questioning skills)
Reading non-verbal signals Non-Verbal Communication (NVC) – the basics (Video)
The ability to shut up

Common listening pitfalls:

Solving problems before we’ve listened
Maintaining attention
Interrupting
Correcting or disagreeing
Getting distracted
Adding personal anecdotes
Multitasking
Impatient to contribute

Listening styles

Echo Listening Intelligence’s four listening styles were explored:

Connective listening – Focuses on what the interaction means for others
Conceptual listening – Focuses on the big picture and ideas, often abstract
Reflective listening – Focuses on what the interaction means for them
Analytical listening – Focuses on what the interaction means to an issue or objective situation

And Oscar Trimboli’s four villains of listening:

Dramatic listener
Interrupting listener
Lost listener
Shrewd listener

Covey suggested five types of listening The 5 Levels of Listening as a Leadership Tool | Fellow.app

Ignoring
Pretend listening
Selective listening
Attentive listening
Empathetic listening

I prefer this five levels of listening model (others are described here Types of Listening | SkillsYouNeed):

Active listening
- Focus on words and non-verbal communication
- Engage, ask meaningful questions and clarify information
- To build a strong rapport

Critical listening
- Search for conflicting messages
- Seek flawed logic, missing information and hidden agendas
- To obtain more facts to make a decision

Informational listening
- Gather data on specific topics, learning new skills
- Take notes and ask clarifying questions
- To learn new information quickly and efficiently

Empathic listening
- Understand others’ feelings
- Ask questions that focus on thoughts and feelings
- To understand someone’s emotional state

Appreciative listening
- To create a positive connection
- Be friendly and supportive and share personal stories
- To build relationships and create a sense of support

Listening in strategy, marketing and business development

Their theme of building brands from the inside out involved various types of listening:

Employee listening Internal Communications – Employee listening – Kim Tasso
Leadership Listening alignment
Shareholder (or stakeholder) listening

They argued that listening powers growth:

Strengthened client relationships
Uncover hidden opportunities
Driving thought leadership
Enhanced problem solving Coaching and Consulting – People and Problem-Solving skills
Increased client satisfaction
Improved team work How to coach teams with Jamie Butler – Kim Tasso

The PM Forum thought leadership tool was also mentioned Taking Control of Thought Leadership Activity: A New Era of Insight for Law and other Professional Services Firms worldwide – PM Forum

I recommended you watch the video (free to PM Forum members) on the Skills Development Platform The Art of Listening