I first read “How to win friends and influence people” way back in January 1984. That’s nearly 30 years ago (the book was actually written back in 1938). It had a profound effect on me – despite the fact that I am a psychologist and have read thousands of books on psychology, selling, change management and leadership. Yes, it is a little old and there is more up to date advice on a few of the points in other books. But I re-read it every couple of years as it contains good advice for all sorts of situations – whether networking, selling or resolving conflicts.
I urge you to read it yourself, but for those of you who are short of time, here’s a summary of the main points covered:
- Fundamental techniques in handling people:
- Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
- Give honest and sincere appreciation
- Arouse an eager want
- Six ways to make people like you:
- Become genuinely interested in other people
- Smile
- Remember a person’s name is the most important thing
- Be a good listener – encourage others to talk about themselves
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
- Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
- Win people to your way of thinking:
- Only way to get from an argument is to avoid it
- Show respect for others’ opinions (never say “you’re wrong”)
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- Begin in a friendly way
- Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- Appeal to the nobler motives
- Dramatise your ideas
- Throw down a challenge
- Change people without arousing resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Let the other man save his face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
- Give a man a fine reputation to live up to
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing that you suggest
Dale Carnegie is the source of one of my favourite quotes http://kimtasso.com/creative-corner/favourite-quotes/ “You can win more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you”.
